Psalm 5—I never thought my hope would fail, but I have watched it wear to a nub.

"I can tell I am not who I used to be, but this morning, I rally all The help I can ask for."

Rendition of Psalm 5

Lord, hear me out. 
My hope is barely a whisper.
I have only a sigh for prayer;
A Godflung gossamer breath
That flashes in the sun like spider silk
And is gone. I can tell
I am not who I used to be,
But this morning, I rally all
The help I can ask for. 
I never thought my hope would fail,
But I have watched it wear to a nub.
Now, I arrange all my needs in a row.
I raise my voice when there are words
And raise a song when there are not.
Hear me, Lord. Watch. Remember.

Evil gives you no pleasure.
No stain mars your beauty. 
Nothing boastful can stand 
Before you and beat its chest.
Yet here I am, broken and bent;
Scattered, trussed, and tumbling.
I feared all the wrong things.
I have chased what you hate 
And called it good.
There is more than blood on my hands,
And two lies for every truth on my lips.
I’ve been a harlot to the mirror’s glances,
A long and weary marionette.
Yet, I draw near to your house.
I bow at the threshold of your temple.
Your goodness cascades over me.
There is no end of it, but addition.
I didn’t know it would be like this.
I spent so long trying
To earn a kindness 
That was already mine;
Afraid I would never find a grace
That I could not lose.

Lord, make my path straight before me.
Lead me in your way.
I have come this far,
But I am harried by so many things
That would eat me alive.
I can’t seem to shake them.
They entice me with words
As wide as open graves.
I know I will find only trouble;
I know their lies are ghost lights,
But I still want to follow.
End this, Lord. Collapse
This down around our ears.
Scatter the rabble dogging me
And teach me to say yes 
To what is good.

If I ever needed a refuge,
It is now. Shelter me. 
Hear my prayer. Gather me in
That everyone you love
Could be here to one place,
Could lift our heads and laugh
And raise a strong song.
You bless all the lost 
Who take refuge in you.
Truly, you are a shelter and a shield.
There is no other.

Psalms: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 31, 32, 34, 35, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43, 46, 50, 51, 53, 54, 62, 63, 65, 66, 73, 74, 75, 84, 86, 88, 90, 91, 100, 107, 110, 114, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 137, 139, 140, 142, 147, 148.

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